Thank you to Darren Whitehead for helping me make this poem better. He messaged me saying that if i am interested he could help me with it. I said i am and he came up with this. It is the same meaning but more powerful due to his knowledge of word use. Here it is:
Always fighting with a troubled mind,
Understanding I can never find.
Trust is a game of give and take,
In depth conversations I struggle to make.
Speak softly, tread quietly so I won’t forget,
My demons inside so easily upset.
Hope you like it.
Im back at college now. I suppose i am glad of that. On my week off i was becoming agitated and aggravated easily. Thats because things build on top of me and when i snap i will be like this until i get back into my usual routine. Because thats what college is to me. Routine. I know when and where i will be in exactly 3 weeks time for example. And i love knowing what i will be doing because i need that plan. Today at college i was doing a mock exam of higher GCSE physics. I am concentrating on science at the moment because i really enjoy doing it, and if i can leave college with a GCSE or 2 that would be an added bonus. Yesterday morning i went to the doctors. I wanted to see if i could have some tablets for anxiety. This would really help me because i have quite a few stress induced problems. I have been a few times for some anxiety tablets but he never gave me any. But this time he did. He gave me a tablet called sertraline. Sertraline is used for things like depression (i dont have this), OCD, panic disorders and social phobias. So to me this sounded like a wonder pill. It would help me with a lot of things. We went to the chemist later and got my prescription. I had one when i got home. you are supposed to have 1 in the morning, so my mum said it would be fine. After a hour or so i started to feel a bit weird. It felt a bit like i was wrapped in a cotton wool blanket and all the outside world was numb. It felt like that things wasn’t real. But i got on with it and went to college. Whilst at college i felt really thirsty. Before i had the tablet earlier i had researched it on the internet, like the side effects and things like that, so then i knew the 2 thing i had mentioned was side effects. I couldnt sleep when i went to bed later that day, even though i had been up really early, dont forget i have melatonin before bedtime aswell. I knew this was another side effect (insomnia). I finally went to sleep at about quarter to 5 in the morning. The next morning when i had woke up my mum noticed i had a rash on my face. So she told me not to have anymore. I am allergic to SSRI (selective seratonin reuptake inhibitor) tablets, and setraline is a SSRI tablet, but when my mum asked the doc and the chemist they both said it would be fine. So I have not had any today. SSRI is dangerous to me because i could go into some sort of shock. I cant remember the name of the type of shock. I am hoping to go to the doctors again soon to see if he can change them for me. I am gutted about them tablets though because they could have been a great thing for me. Hopefully i can try some better ones soon.
Thanks for reading.
It has been just over a week now since my mums operation. She is back at home now. When she first came home she was doing weird things.I think it was because of her tablets she was on for recovery and pain. She did things like, when she was going to sleep on the couch, she said mad things. For example the first thing she said was “ONE”. She sort of shouted it out in her sleep. Then the next thing she said when she was dropping off was something along the lines of “do it now, he wont be able to walk soon”. I dont know what the hell she was dreaming of. This stopped after a few days. Probably because she settled down after all of the stress and worry. Apart from that i think she may be a little aggravated. This is understandable because she is used to getting up and doing things, but she obviously cant now. The doctor told her to only lift the weight of a kettle half full. That is the maximum weight she can lift otherwise it would injure her stomach. She cant do hoovering for about 3 months. My nan has been a big help because she does the cleaning up and stuff for Mum. I have been helping Mum get up off the couch and things like that. I have done the hoovering once as well. My sister Jessica kicked off the other day, so that was stressful for Mum. Jessica even pushed Mum out of the way. She is lucky not to be injured. My stepdad Tim rang out of hours social workers to get some extra help, because Mum cant cope with Jess at the moment. I think they are looking into helping Jess get her own flat or something. Lets just say that it wasn’t a very good day, that day. Apart from that catastrophe everything is fine now.
In other news Adams back got better and so we was able to do our 5 day challenge. We finished it 2 days ago. It was tricky. After about 3 days in i found it harder to get up in the morning, probably because my body was fatigued. Even Adam said he found it harder to get up and he is fitter than me. I weighed myself yesterday and i now weigh 13 stone 12 and a half. I lost another pound this week. I wonder why though because i did 5 intense walks in 5 days with a 7 pound pack on and i lost 1 pound. The weeks before i was losing 1 and a half at least. Maybe i lost a bit of weight and put on some muscle. Especially on my legs because we walk uphill a lot. So i beat the challenge i set myself. I wanted to get under 14 stone before the end of the year and i have done it in just over a month. It just proves exercise is key. And of course a better diet. So i have now lost 6 pounds in just over a month. I am well impressed with myself. More good news i have now got 1 and a half week off from college. I will probably be doing more exercise with my time off. Thanks for reading and all of the support.
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My Mum woke up at 5 o’clock this morning to go into hospital for her operation. She went into surgery about half 9 this morning. For the past 2 days i started praying again at night for her and my family. Thank you to Vickie for saying those nice words, wishing her well. Anyway she went in and i think it took about 1 and a half hours. Oh by the way she had a hysterectomy and also a massive fibroid took out of her stomach. It grew that big that it grew its own blood supply. She was really worried about it for a few months so you can guess how worried she was just before it. My step-dad Tim took her up to the hospital and waited with her for a bit. But they told Tim he couldn’t stay, so my Mum was nervous because she had no one there with her. Anyway i took my mobile to college today (I charged it specially) so my Nan could text me and tell me how it went. Nan text about 1pm telling me everything was fine. I was so glad. I could enjoy football now that that had been sorted out. So later on after college at about 6pm, me, Tom,Tim and Adam went and visited her. I was nervous about going visiting her for a few hour before because i dont like seeing people when they look ill of different. It felt about the same nervousness as meeting a new person which is weird because it is only my Mum, who i have seen thousands of times. But i needed to visit her because i would have felt disappointed with myself. As soon as i saw her i was settled then. I had done the hard part. She looked very pale and tired. She had a tube draining blood from her stomach and a drip also. She kept on closing her eyes all the time whilst we was there because her body was tired because of the operation and she had been having morphine. She told us that when she had awoke she was in a lot of pain. Too much pain that she thought there was something wrong because she has a high pain thresh hold. Anyway it got that bad that she had too shout a nurse when she went past because she obviously cant get up to get one. When the nurse was trying to figure out what it was she discovered that Mums machine hadn’t been working. How is that for bad luck. So Mum had been lying there in pain with no painkillers. After about 40 minutes there me and Adam went and got Mum a magazine from the hospital shop with Tim’s money. Adam had already got Mum some grapes and chocolates and a card. And i am hoping to order Mum a present on the internet soon. After we had got that Adam went and we went 20 minutes later. Everyone gave her a hug as we left. It was a shame for Tom because he was quite whilst we was there because he seemed sad. He started crying on the way home saying that he didn’t want to leave. It was a big shock for him seeing Mum like that. He just wants her home like we all do. We comforted him on the way home. He was still upset 20 minutes later so i watched a bit of lord of the rings with him to settle him down. He is still upset now at his bedtime but not as much as before. So that’s it then. My Mum is alright now after all of that worry. Thanks for everyone’s support.
Unfortunately on the third day of mine and Adams 5 day challenge Adam hurt his back helping Dad move furniture. So to avoid damaging it further we are having a break until about Thursday where we will start the 5 day challenge again. Tut. After all that work as-well. Oh well it was unavoidable. Oh and I was writing this post and got through about 3 quarters of it when i accidentally deleted all of it. When i asked Tim is there a way to undo it he said press control and Z. And it worked so that is a little tip for you. Please follow, like and share. Thanks for reading.