my stupid mind

i have not written on this for so long. I am sorry about that but remember in my last posts i said i am finding hard to motivate myself to write on here. Well i still am. I don’t know why i do this. It is just another thing my stupid mind does. I was getting a lot of support on my posts and i felt i was achieving something. So why does my mind do this to me? I really wish it didn’t. I am now on my big break from college. I have got nearly 8 weeks off i think. When i go back i will be doing some tests to see what level i am at. Then they will determine if i am ready to do my GCSE’s. Anyway as i have said i have got a lot of time off now. I am in two minds about this. On one hand im glad i can have a rest but on the other hand it is not in my routine. Also i get bored after anything more than 2 weeks off. I am going to be trying to do some constructive things whilst im off. Things like reading and drawing and hopefully writing on here. Anyway lately my mind has really been affecting me. i have been worrying about small things i wouldnt usually worry about. I have also been very depressed. I am useless. The only thing that i am good for is that i can love people more that most people (i think). That last statement is hard to explain but i can feel it in my body. My mind stops me from going anywhere too long because i cannot use other toilets apart from my home where i feel safe. This is my mind doing this on purpose so i cant do things that i love like climbing mountains with my brother. I would be able to do this by myself because there is no pressure from other people but i would be scared to go out by myself. I need to see a psychologist.Ā  At this moment there is no point of me being on this earth. But i will carry on hoping for better things. I will try to get motivated to writing on here again because i do love it. Especially your comments and support. Thanks for reading.

10 responses »

  1. I am glad you are back, Paul. But please know, your mind is not stupid! I hope you can keep yourself occupied until school starts again. I hate to see that you are depressed. Don’t worry about the things you think you can’t do and concentrate on a few things you like to do and will make you happy, like your writing. You are a good writer and I always enjoy reading your posts. 8 weeks is a long time to be off, and I would get bored too, I don’t blame you! But once more, please remember, your mind is not stupid…. not by a long shot…

  2. Hi Paul. It’s good to hear from you again. Depression can be tough and it’s very easy to let it take over your life and your thoughts. Look for the little things in life that make you happy and try to focus on those. I’ve been dealing with my own depression lately too. Stay strong. Stay focused:-)

  3. Hi Paul. It was great to read your blog, I have missed it. I want to encourage you to keep going and to keep writing. You have lots to live for, focus on those things, however small. šŸ™‚

  4. Hello Paul,
    You must know that many people have the same issues… just look at the people who jump into a fitness or diet starting January first and then by March are back to sitting around and watching TV. Or people who start a project, like crocheting a blanket or a wall hanging and never manage to finish it.
    I too, have been struggling to be current with my blog. I have lots of ideas of things to write about but when I sit down I can’t seem to remember any of them. You are not alone.
    It’s good that you still check in and we hope that you find enough to do during your break from the school routine.
    We do enjoy hearing about your life.

    • thanks Teresa. i suppose you are right about all the things people start to do and never finish them. I tend to always leave things unfinished but i have started lately to try and finish things i start.

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