About 2 posts ago i told you i would tell you about the other night where i had a hard time. It was Forest Gump that started it. By the way this is spoilers if you haven’t seen forest gump before. Im sure you have. You have seen me write about this before.It was about people getting old and deteriorating and eventually dying. Because that’s what happens in Forest gump. his mum ends up dying. And so does his friend in the army. Bubba. And also his girlfriend in the end. this is what i hated. I think it was combined with other stuff at the time as well but by the end of forest gump i was very upset. I felt really down and couldnt be bothered speaking to anyone. I wanted to go to sleep and to forget everything for a few hours. And this time i was even closer to self harming again. Even closer than when i saw Cecilia a couple of months ago. I hated it. Mum obviously knew i was upset because she kept on asking me what was up. She was very worried but i didn’t want to tell her because i think i should be over stuff like this now. People on here told me i shouldn’t feel weak when i get upset but i still do. I feel a hopeless cause. After a short while i went and sat in my bedroom in the dark and leant against my door. It was nicer in the dark because it feels like you are cocooned. you are the Caterpillar and the dark is the chrysalis. I was still upset but liked the sense of emptiness. 5 minutes later Tim and mum came to my door. They asked would i like to go for a drive. I didnt answer. They carried on speaking for a few more minutes and when they knew i wasnt going to speak they told me Tim will wait downstairs until i was ready to go. They know a drive settles me down the most so that is why they offered me a drive. I went down after a few more minutes. I got my big cosy coat on and grabbed my PS Vita. I have lots of music on my PS Vita. We went and i sat in the backseat with my hood up listening to Michael Buble. I feel safe doing this and i can slowly settle back down. I especially love drives when its dark or raining. Preferably both together. I love it. I was feeling a bit better as we pulled up back at my house. I got on with my usual routine after this. I get so upset about people getting older because i cant stand thinking about living without my Nan or grandad or Mum and Tim or my brothers or my sister. This wont get better in time but i hope to control it better. Later that night when i was watching breaking bad my mum came into my room. She asked me what was wrong and i told her. I find it hard explaining my feeling in words( actually saying them) but this time i did it. So i was sort of pleased. Thanks for reading.
We got George back on the Tuesday night and everyone played with him before he went upstairs and slept in a dog crate sort of thing in my sister Jessica’s room. He slept really well that night. He is really playful and loves playing with all of his toys he has got. The only problem with him at the moment is that he is always trying to get peoples shoes, especially the laces. And the other day he actually tried to run off with my Nans sandal. He picked it up from the hall and tried to run outside with it, ( we have a garden enclosed on all sides with fences, so he cant escape ). And as he was going out of the door into the garden the sandal went over the edge of the step and he went with it because it was too heavy for him. My Nan and Grandad love him but grandad plays with him for a bit and then puts him back in his crate because he is hard work for him to look after. But he says he would still like a dog.
I’m nearly into the swing of things now at college. I have met all of the people i will be working with this year, so i am slowly getting used to them all again. I have asked could i do some qualifications at college because i thought whilst i am there for a few more years i could at least try to leave with something to actually show for it. Something tangible and real instead of just finishing this 3 year challenge. I have asked could i possibly do a Maths qualification, and a Science one and possibly a English one. I may also be changing one of the days to Friday instead of perhaps a Wednesday or Thursday because they play sports on a Friday.
Also my Step-dad went to Paris with his work for 4 days. He is back now being his miserable old self (i am not joking). He brings everyone down with him as well. I suppose he will always be like that now. But it is his birthday tomorrow and he does a lot for our family so i wish him all the best for tomorrow
Thanks For Reading.
hi everyone, for the past few days i have been playing Grand Theft Auto 5 that is why i haven’t posted. And when i have had time to post i have just been tired probably because it has been the first week of going back to college. I don’t get physically tired at college I get mentally tired so it takes it out of me. Anyway yesterday we all went to look at some cavalier king Charles puppies from a breeder. 1 of our dogs called William died about 5 month ago now so my Mum thought now was the right time to get a new puppy. I pushed myself to go in and have a look with the rest of my family because if we was going to get one then at least i had seen him or her for the very first time with everyone else. There was 2 to choose from when we went in and my Mum decided on a little boy. I would have preferred the little girl one but it was Mums choice, the boy is just as nice though. They paid a deposit and we are going to collect him on Tuesday. But while we was there i got annoyed by my sister because she was doing stupid things with the dogs and spoiled it for me. She knew what she was doing and she knows it annoys me so i went back to the car by myself (i also wanted to go because i had spent enough time in someone else’s house. That was a big achievement for me). When i got in the car i locked all the doors from the inside so they could not get in when they came back to the car 10 minutes later. I know i shouldn’t have done it but i was annoyed that Jess spoilt it for me so i wanted to spoil it a bit for them to. I let them in after about 3 minutes because i knew it was wrong what i was doing. I have been a bit depressed lately as well because of things like college. And I am also fed up of having Autism. I Cant go in the shops by myself of speak to anyone i don’t know or if i haven’t seen someone for a few years i cant speak to them too. You are very lucky to not have Autism because it certainly controls my life. Oh and by the way Mums called the new Puppy George, i will put a picture of him on here soon. Thanks for reading.