Category Archives: ocd

MY COLLEGE REVIEW

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Adam said that if he had time he would come to my review at college. He said he would go all week but the day before he remembered he had a little job to do for someone regarding his painting and decorating business. He is a busy man these days. i wanted him to go with us because i like people in my family going to my college. They get to see where i go in the weekdays. And when i speak about things there they have a better understanding about what i mean. He made it with half an hour to go before Javid came and picked us all up. Javid said that it was alright that my Mum, stepdad and my brother Adam came with us that day. It made sense. So we all had a good talk and laugh in the car going. That is good because if we was all serious it would have been more nerve wracking. I was nervous because it was different than my normal routine. People was in the car who usually wasnt there, even though it was just my family. When we got there i went inside to get a football like usual. On my way through the door my support worker on Mondays (Steve) came out just at the same time. he asked me if he could go and introduce himself. I said yes and told him who they was. He went and spoke to them for a short while whilst i got the football and found my support worker Alex. I didnt go into the review with them for a few reasons. one was i hate sitting in a circle where people can see you from all directions. This is why i never sit face on with someone. When they do eye contact it feels like they are staring at you and judging you. Reason two is the fact that there was a lot of people in there. There was about 6 or 7. I can only just cope with 2 other people. So throughout the time i was there it was just normal for me because i did my usual work on a Friday which is photography. Later on when they had finished (it was shorter than usual because Javid had to go as he has another contract now) I asked them what had happened. They told me that the Woman who i have told you about 2 posts ago will go a bit easier now. Which is good. The people in the review said i was the brightest student in the college. Which is absolutely fantastic as there is about 100-150 students in there. So that is a massive plus and i am so pleased with myself. They also said i need to try and improve my time management. I agree with this. But the biggest thing what was mentioned was they said i may have to go to another college which is being built i think nearer to my home. Thats because i can do harder work than what they can set for me, and as well as that, it depends on funding. If i did leave this college i will be sad because i wont see them again and i would have to get used to a whole new place which can take months. I will just have to see what happens. I would be glad though if the new place was better for me like better opportunities and things of that nature. So overall my review went pretty well.

If anyone has any ideas about how to make this blog better please tell me in the comments. Any help will be greatly appreciated. Please follow me if you havent already. Thanks for reading.

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THE FOREST GUMP ORDEAL

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About 2 posts ago i told you i would tell you about the other night where i had a hard time. It was Forest Gump that started it. By the way this is spoilers if you haven’t seen forest gump before. Im sure you have. You have seen me write about this before.It was about people getting old and deteriorating and eventually dying. Because that’s what happens in Forest gump. his mum ends up dying. And so does his friend in the army. Bubba. And also his girlfriend in the end. this is what i hated. I think it was combined with other stuff at the time as well but by the end of forest gump i was very upset. I felt really down and couldnt be bothered speaking to anyone. I wanted to go to sleep and to forget everything for a few hours. And this time i was even closer to self harming again. Even closer than when i saw Cecilia a couple of months ago. I hated it. Mum obviously knew i was upset because she kept on asking me what was up. She was very worried but i didn’t want to tell her because i think i should be over stuff like this now. People on here told me i shouldn’t feel weak when i get upset but i still do. I feel a hopeless cause. After a short while i went and sat in my bedroom in the dark and leant against my door. It was nicer in the dark because it feels like you are cocooned. you are the Caterpillar and the dark is the chrysalis. I was still upset but liked the sense of emptiness. 5 minutes later Tim and mum came to my door. They asked would i like to go for a drive. I didnt answer. They carried on speaking for a few more minutes and when they knew i wasnt going to speak they told me Tim will wait downstairs until i was ready to go. They know a drive settles me down the most so that is why they offered me a drive. I went down after a few more minutes. I got my big cosy coat on and grabbed my PS Vita. I have lots of music on my PS Vita. We went and i sat in the backseat with my hood up listening to Michael Buble. I feel safe doing this and i can slowly settle back down. I especially love drives when its dark or raining. Preferably both together. I love it. I was feeling a bit better as we pulled up back at my house. I got on with my usual routine after this. I get so upset about people getting older because i cant stand thinking about living without my Nan or grandad or Mum and Tim or my brothers or my sister.  This wont get better in time but i hope to control it better. Later that night when i was watching breaking bad my mum came into my room. She asked me what was wrong and i told her. I find it hard explaining my feeling in words( actually saying them) but this time i did it. So i was sort of pleased. Thanks for reading.

A TINY UPDATE ABOUT MY BLOG

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Hi, i just thought i would tell you about a small update i have done on my blog. When you go on to my blog page on the right there used to be 5 recent posts that i had done. I have now put it up to the last 30 posts that i have done. I think this will help new people on my blog because they can easily see what i have been writing about for the past few months. Thank you as always for reading my blog.

500 PAGE VIEWS.

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I cant believe i have reached my next milestone already. I have now reached the 500 views on my blog. I have gone from 250 to 500 page views so quick because i applied to go on coolsiteoftheday so that got me a lot of views. I have also got 31 followers as well and i appreciate each and everyone one of you so thank you. My next milestone i will set myself is 1000 page views. Remember i do these sorts of post as sort of a date and a celebration for when i reached a certain milestone. Thanks for reading.

MY SECRET TO STOP OCD.

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I said on my last post that i had a secret for getting over OCD. I will tell you what I do. A lot of people think that it is impossible to stop doing obsessive compulsive things. Last year I had a routine that I did everyday before bedtime that took about probably over 3 hours to do. I had to watch YouTube for an hour at least, then i had to sit downstairs with my parents for half an hour (both of these aren’t too bad because I like to do watch YouTube and I love to spend time with my family). But after that it was a nightmare, I had to go into the kitchen, touch lots of things three times then touch all the lights in the hall, then after that i would go upstairs into the bathroom and make sure all the shampoo bottles and shower gel bottles where closed, and even more stuff than that. Then the upstairs hallway, my parents room and eventually my room ( my room took at least 20 minutes). Anyway as you can imagine doing all this stuff just before bed it would take another 20 minutes to settle down again to go to sleep. I was absolutely fed up of doing this everyday for over 6 months that i needed to find a way to stop it. And in the end it was simple. I just needed something that i could do or say that would stop me doing all this stuff because after all OCD is in the persons mind. All I did was cut my routine down bit by bit by saying ” I swear on my family that i wont touch the lights tonight”. And because i had swore on my family I wouldn’t do it again I didn’t. But remember the most important thing is to cut it down bit by bit. I hope this post can help as many people as it can. Even if it helped one person to get better managing OCD it would be worth it because OCD is hell to live with. It stops you from from doing what you want. Anyway please share this post and follow me if you like it. Thanks for reading. Oh and please feel free to comment or ask any questions because i like to see what people say. Thanks.

WHAT ITS LIKE HAVING OCD.

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OCD stands for obsessive compulsive disorder. It basically mean on some occasions i feel i have to touch the lights three times for example or put an item straight if it is slightly off center. I feel that if i don’t do it something bad will happen to something i love like my family. I of course know nothing bad would happen to my family but if i tried to resist i would get this nagging feeling in my brain and i would feel agitated until i did it so i would have to do it because it would stop me from going to sleep at night. My OCD always seems to get worse when i am nervous about an upcoming event in my life like visiting the Doctors or somethings going on at College which would be very stressful for me. These days i have a very good way to combat OCD most of the time but i will share with you my secret another time on another post. Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed this post please share this blog, follow and dont forget to comment.