About 2 posts ago i told you i would tell you about the other night where i had a hard time. It was Forest Gump that started it. By the way this is spoilers if you haven’t seen forest gump before. Im sure you have. You have seen me write about this before.It was about people getting old and deteriorating and eventually dying. Because that’s what happens in Forest gump. his mum ends up dying. And so does his friend in the army. Bubba. And also his girlfriend in the end. this is what i hated. I think it was combined with other stuff at the time as well but by the end of forest gump i was very upset. I felt really down and couldnt be bothered speaking to anyone. I wanted to go to sleep and to forget everything for a few hours. And this time i was even closer to self harming again. Even closer than when i saw Cecilia a couple of months ago. I hated it. Mum obviously knew i was upset because she kept on asking me what was up. She was very worried but i didn’t want to tell her because i think i should be over stuff like this now. People on here told me i shouldn’t feel weak when i get upset but i still do. I feel a hopeless cause. After a short while i went and sat in my bedroom in the dark and leant against my door. It was nicer in the dark because it feels like you are cocooned. you are the Caterpillar and the dark is the chrysalis. I was still upset but liked the sense of emptiness. 5 minutes later Tim and mum came to my door. They asked would i like to go for a drive. I didnt answer. They carried on speaking for a few more minutes and when they knew i wasnt going to speak they told me Tim will wait downstairs until i was ready to go. They know a drive settles me down the most so that is why they offered me a drive. I went down after a few more minutes. I got my big cosy coat on and grabbed my PS Vita. I have lots of music on my PS Vita. We went and i sat in the backseat with my hood up listening to Michael Buble. I feel safe doing this and i can slowly settle back down. I especially love drives when its dark or raining. Preferably both together. I love it. I was feeling a bit better as we pulled up back at my house. I got on with my usual routine after this. I get so upset about people getting older because i cant stand thinking about living without my Nan or grandad or Mum and Tim or my brothers or my sister. This wont get better in time but i hope to control it better. Later that night when i was watching breaking bad my mum came into my room. She asked me what was wrong and i told her. I find it hard explaining my feeling in words( actually saying them) but this time i did it. So i was sort of pleased. Thanks for reading.
We got George back on the Tuesday night and everyone played with him before he went upstairs and slept in a dog crate sort of thing in my sister Jessica’s room. He slept really well that night. He is really playful and loves playing with all of his toys he has got. The only problem with him at the moment is that he is always trying to get peoples shoes, especially the laces. And the other day he actually tried to run off with my Nans sandal. He picked it up from the hall and tried to run outside with it, ( we have a garden enclosed on all sides with fences, so he cant escape ). And as he was going out of the door into the garden the sandal went over the edge of the step and he went with it because it was too heavy for him. My Nan and Grandad love him but grandad plays with him for a bit and then puts him back in his crate because he is hard work for him to look after. But he says he would still like a dog.
I’m nearly into the swing of things now at college. I have met all of the people i will be working with this year, so i am slowly getting used to them all again. I have asked could i do some qualifications at college because i thought whilst i am there for a few more years i could at least try to leave with something to actually show for it. Something tangible and real instead of just finishing this 3 year challenge. I have asked could i possibly do a Maths qualification, and a Science one and possibly a English one. I may also be changing one of the days to Friday instead of perhaps a Wednesday or Thursday because they play sports on a Friday.
Also my Step-dad went to Paris with his work for 4 days. He is back now being his miserable old self (i am not joking). He brings everyone down with him as well. I suppose he will always be like that now. But it is his birthday tomorrow and he does a lot for our family so i wish him all the best for tomorrow
Thanks For Reading.
Hi Ive just uploaded my avatar picture thingy. Do you like it? It is a picture of our cat called Skye who was originally bought for me to help me get over all of my problems and to help calm me down. It Worked. Skye is a special cat to me also she has only got one front leg which i will explain to you another time.
I might as well tell you about my sister Jessica today seeing as it was her 16th birthday a few weeks ago. Ok then firstly when she was born my mum said that i could always be found near her. That’s probably because my brother was usually out at his friends so i liked being near to a sibling that was actually in the house. When she was a bit older like 5 or 6 i used to play in the garden a lot with her, like once i tried to teach her to catch better by throwing a ball on the shed roof and when it rolled off she had to catch it quickly before it fell on the floor. We also played a game called “funny football” which was basically football but we purposely fell over on the floor and in the mud. But sometimes i wasn’t very nice to her. Like when she wanted to go inside i didn’t let her sometimes because i didn’t understand properly why she would want to go in when we was having good fun, and it was because i liked playing outside in the garden with her. But nowadays she is a teenager and often has tantrums and things like that, and i don’t like the stress it causes especially towards my mum. Recently she got diagnosed with Autism as well so that’s why a lot of the time we don’t understand each other, but eventually we will get better at that. Anyway happy birthday Jess (she doesn’t like being called Jessica). I hope you enjoyed your birthday.
“The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination.”
I go on YouTube a lot. Because i used to play on my PS3 a lot i decided about 3 years ago that i should start watching stuff about games on YouTube for tips and stuff. So i created my own account and started searching for games related stuff. I cant remember who i subscribed to first, it might have been Wingsofredemption, but one of my first YouTube memories was everyone kept talking about Seananners. Seananners this and Seananners that they kept going on about, so one day i just searched for him and subscribed straightaway because he had a great online personality and he was really good at call of duty. I used to play call of duty as well so i thought what better person is there to learn tips from because at the time he was probably the best call of duty player on YouTube. Nowadays there are thousands of channels all devoted to call of duty and mine-craft and gaming in general. About 3 years ago i also found Syndicate and Tmartn who are still 2 of my all time favorite You-tubers. Tmartn is really well known for the best call of duty tips and Syndicate at the time was really well known for being one of the best at the zombie game mode on Treyarchs call of duty games, now though he mostly plays minecraft and just recently reached 4 million subscribers. Now after all these years i am subscribed to over 100 channels on YouTube but not all of them are gaming, there are some fact channels as well because i love learning about interesting facts. Because i am subscribed to so many channels there is always something new to watch. If you like gaming try some of the channels i mentioned above and tell me what you think. Oh yeah a really good fact channel is called Vsauce so check it out. Unrelated to YouTube i asked my step dad whose good with computers and internet stuff about how often i should post and he said 1 post every 2 to 3 days, so starting on Monday i will start posting every 2 days or so. Thanks for reading.
Our family loves animals, let me tell you about our Pets. Our house at one point was like a zoo, we had 2 dogs, 2 cats, lots of fish, 4 hamsters and 2 rabbits and probably more i cant quite remember at this time. I cant tell you all of their names because we had that many animals you tend to forget some of their names but mostly its because the animals like the hamsters and some of the fish were my sisters (Jess) and brothers (Tom) and they was in their room and i don’t go in very often (I go in my brothers room sometimes to help him settle at night). Nowadays we don’t have as many because my brothers hamster died of old age (his hamster was called fudgie which he got on his 5th or 6th birthday). Only 1 or 2 of my sisters hamsters died of old age because the others got lumps on their back and when she took them to the vets they said they had Cancer and wouldn’t last very long. Eventually because she kept having bad look with hamsters she bought a couple of dumbo rats instead and so far they are still going strong, in fact she borrowed a stud of one of her friends and bred with one of her rats (whisper) and had a litter of about 5. We dont count the litter as our pets because she is selling them.Our rabbit also died very suddenly, one day he was running around and the next morning was found dead in his hutch. The biggest upset of them all though was 1 of our dogs died about 6 weeks ago called William. He died of Heart failure and old age at the age of 13, he was a Cavalier King Charles spaniel and usually they only live to about 9-12 years. I will tell you more about William in another post sometime. Anyway the list of our pets now are: DOGS, Willow CATS, Skye, Lola FISH, Ken Loach, Summer RATS, Whisper, Blue and that’s it now. We have nowhere near as many pets as we used to as you can see in this post. We miss all of our pets that have passed on. Thanks for reading.