About 2 posts ago i told you i would tell you about the other night where i had a hard time. It was Forest Gump that started it. By the way this is spoilers if you haven’t seen forest gump before. Im sure you have. You have seen me write about this before.It was about people getting old and deteriorating and eventually dying. Because that’s what happens in Forest gump. his mum ends up dying. And so does his friend in the army. Bubba. And also his girlfriend in the end. this is what i hated. I think it was combined with other stuff at the time as well but by the end of forest gump i was very upset. I felt really down and couldnt be bothered speaking to anyone. I wanted to go to sleep and to forget everything for a few hours. And this time i was even closer to self harming again. Even closer than when i saw Cecilia a couple of months ago. I hated it. Mum obviously knew i was upset because she kept on asking me what was up. She was very worried but i didn’t want to tell her because i think i should be over stuff like this now. People on here told me i shouldn’t feel weak when i get upset but i still do. I feel a hopeless cause. After a short while i went and sat in my bedroom in the dark and leant against my door. It was nicer in the dark because it feels like you are cocooned. you are the Caterpillar and the dark is the chrysalis. I was still upset but liked the sense of emptiness. 5 minutes later Tim and mum came to my door. They asked would i like to go for a drive. I didnt answer. They carried on speaking for a few more minutes and when they knew i wasnt going to speak they told me Tim will wait downstairs until i was ready to go. They know a drive settles me down the most so that is why they offered me a drive. I went down after a few more minutes. I got my big cosy coat on and grabbed my PS Vita. I have lots of music on my PS Vita. We went and i sat in the backseat with my hood up listening to Michael Buble. I feel safe doing this and i can slowly settle back down. I especially love drives when its dark or raining. Preferably both together. I love it. I was feeling a bit better as we pulled up back at my house. I got on with my usual routine after this. I get so upset about people getting older because i cant stand thinking about living without my Nan or grandad or Mum and Tim or my brothers or my sister. This wont get better in time but i hope to control it better. Later that night when i was watching breaking bad my mum came into my room. She asked me what was wrong and i told her. I find it hard explaining my feeling in words( actually saying them) but this time i did it. So i was sort of pleased. Thanks for reading.
Remember when i said i like taking photos. Well a few years ago I added a few to flickr. These photos are special to me because i took them when i had a mental breakdown so they represent a difficult time in my life that I partially overcome. If you like these please tell me in the comments. One day i may take up photography again especially if people want to see my pictures.
Here is the link http://www.flickr.com/photos/paulwilliamharrison/
I hope you enjoy.
Today me and Adam first went to Asda because he was pricing up a job there, he was asked to price up a railing about 180 metres long. And then we went to that place where we did the outside of that house last week because, if you remember i said a few posts ago that the woman had given Adam another job there which involved stripping a wall and papering it, so we was going to do that today. When we got there Adam realised he had forgotten his overalls, so he explained to the person in the house and then we set back off to his house. We got his overalls and then on the way back the van completely broke down. somethings not been working very well in the front of the van. it keeps overheating really quickly and the fan keeps switching on, and that only switches on at about 95 degrees. And also there is no water circulating around because there is a hole we think in one of the pipes. So that was a waste of a day helping Adam. My Stepdad picked me up and we went home. One of Adams friends picked him up.
So the rest of the day i have been on Oblivion on my PS3 with my little brother Tom and then after Tea we went to Tesco because my Mum was getting a dvd for my sister (they bought Yes Man by jim carrey ) and i wanted to get some Reeses peanut butter cups ( they didnt have any in this particular shop). They seem to have started selling more American sweets and chocolate now, which i am very glad of. Like they sell them peanut butter cups and i also have seen some Hersheys choclate today (cookies and cream flavour). I will probably get Hersheys next time i go.
After we had been to the shop we all went to the local park. Me and Tom was going to play frisbee on a big field. We have to use a plastic plate as our frisbee because Tom threw the other one over our garden fence. But my mum started talking to our neighbour who she saw there so me and Tom started plating frisbee a bit further up from them whilst we waited. I accidently threw it too high and hard and it landed in a deep dense bush riddled with insects. Infact we saw a massive dragonfly that we took a picture of with our stepdads phone. Because the frisbee was impossible to get i went to find Mum and my sister Jess who went for a walk while we was looking for that frisbee. And i didnt fancy going on the kids park with Tim (stepdad) and Tom. I found Mum and Jess on a bench overlooking some water so i sat next to them and watched the swans and the scenery. And since i like to take photos i took a few. I got a few great ones so i will try to put them on this post. I have took pictures before and i have a flickr site so i will put a link on a post sometime.
It has been a alright day today, i would give this day 7 out of 10.
Thanks for Reading.