About 2 posts ago i told you i would tell you about the other night where i had a hard time. It was Forest Gump that started it. By the way this is spoilers if you haven’t seen forest gump before. Im sure you have. You have seen me write about this before.It was about people getting old and deteriorating and eventually dying. Because that’s what happens in Forest gump. his mum ends up dying. And so does his friend in the army. Bubba. And also his girlfriend in the end. this is what i hated. I think it was combined with other stuff at the time as well but by the end of forest gump i was very upset. I felt really down and couldnt be bothered speaking to anyone. I wanted to go to sleep and to forget everything for a few hours. And this time i was even closer to self harming again. Even closer than when i saw Cecilia a couple of months ago. I hated it. Mum obviously knew i was upset because she kept on asking me what was up. She was very worried but i didn’t want to tell her because i think i should be over stuff like this now. People on here told me i shouldn’t feel weak when i get upset but i still do. I feel a hopeless cause. After a short while i went and sat in my bedroom in the dark and leant against my door. It was nicer in the dark because it feels like you are cocooned. you are the Caterpillar and the dark is the chrysalis. I was still upset but liked the sense of emptiness. 5 minutes later Tim and mum came to my door. They asked would i like to go for a drive. I didnt answer. They carried on speaking for a few more minutes and when they knew i wasnt going to speak they told me Tim will wait downstairs until i was ready to go. They know a drive settles me down the most so that is why they offered me a drive. I went down after a few more minutes. I got my big cosy coat on and grabbed my PS Vita. I have lots of music on my PS Vita. We went and i sat in the backseat with my hood up listening to Michael Buble. I feel safe doing this and i can slowly settle back down. I especially love drives when its dark or raining. Preferably both together. I love it. I was feeling a bit better as we pulled up back at my house. I got on with my usual routine after this. I get so upset about people getting older because i cant stand thinking about living without my Nan or grandad or Mum and Tim or my brothers or my sister. This wont get better in time but i hope to control it better. Later that night when i was watching breaking bad my mum came into my room. She asked me what was wrong and i told her. I find it hard explaining my feeling in words( actually saying them) but this time i did it. So i was sort of pleased. Thanks for reading.
Yesterday and today i have been to Tennis with my big brother Adam at the park. Trust me it does not seem a big deal when you see it written down but it was a big deal to do. Mostly because of the heat. Remember a few posts ago when i said it had reached high temperatures here? Well now it is even hotter than before. I am not joking when i say it ( or write it ) but it has been reaching close to 30 degrees here in Bolton.
For most people they would need a lot of encouragement to go in this weather but i am fortunate that i dont need any encouragement because i love to do sports. But the heat just saps your energy and you are dripping with sweat within 10 minutes of playing. Remember we live in England so our bodies are used to rain and weather below 10 degrees, so when it reached 30 degrees our bodies were in for a shock.
Anyway yesterdays tennis session went fine. At first we hit the ball to each other and tried to get a rally going, then after that we took it in turns to throw the ball while the other person hit the ball as close to the line as possible for accuracy practice. And after we played that I thought of the idea of placing our water bottle near the line and taking turns to see how close we could get the ball to it and hit it if possible. We both need to carry on practicing our accuracy because we both got it to about 5ft to the bottle. Which isn’t to bad but it could be a lot better.
After our practice we had a match. I am glad to tell you I won again 3 games to 1. I felt in the zone when we played, that’s why i think i did so well. Today we just practiced for about 45 minutes which is good but i love to have a match because i am a very competitive person. All in all we had 2 great days of tennis which i am very pleased about because i have definitely got my forehand shot back again now with topspin and its a great shot that can win vital points in our match. Thanks for reading.