About 2 posts ago i told you i would tell you about the other night where i had a hard time. It was Forest Gump that started it. By the way this is spoilers if you haven’t seen forest gump before. Im sure you have. You have seen me write about this before.It was about people getting old and deteriorating and eventually dying. Because that’s what happens in Forest gump. his mum ends up dying. And so does his friend in the army. Bubba. And also his girlfriend in the end. this is what i hated. I think it was combined with other stuff at the time as well but by the end of forest gump i was very upset. I felt really down and couldnt be bothered speaking to anyone. I wanted to go to sleep and to forget everything for a few hours. And this time i was even closer to self harming again. Even closer than when i saw Cecilia a couple of months ago. I hated it. Mum obviously knew i was upset because she kept on asking me what was up. She was very worried but i didn’t want to tell her because i think i should be over stuff like this now. People on here told me i shouldn’t feel weak when i get upset but i still do. I feel a hopeless cause. After a short while i went and sat in my bedroom in the dark and leant against my door. It was nicer in the dark because it feels like you are cocooned. you are the Caterpillar and the dark is the chrysalis. I was still upset but liked the sense of emptiness. 5 minutes later Tim and mum came to my door. They asked would i like to go for a drive. I didnt answer. They carried on speaking for a few more minutes and when they knew i wasnt going to speak they told me Tim will wait downstairs until i was ready to go. They know a drive settles me down the most so that is why they offered me a drive. I went down after a few more minutes. I got my big cosy coat on and grabbed my PS Vita. I have lots of music on my PS Vita. We went and i sat in the backseat with my hood up listening to Michael Buble. I feel safe doing this and i can slowly settle back down. I especially love drives when its dark or raining. Preferably both together. I love it. I was feeling a bit better as we pulled up back at my house. I got on with my usual routine after this. I get so upset about people getting older because i cant stand thinking about living without my Nan or grandad or Mum and Tim or my brothers or my sister. This wont get better in time but i hope to control it better. Later that night when i was watching breaking bad my mum came into my room. She asked me what was wrong and i told her. I find it hard explaining my feeling in words( actually saying them) but this time i did it. So i was sort of pleased. Thanks for reading.
When i will return to college i will feel like Harry Potter. Do you know when he returns after the summer holidays and he immediately feels at home i will feel sort of like that. Not that i will feel like im going home but i am going back to where people know me better there. Thats why when i go to college i can speak to almost anyone there. Its because they know about Autism and they understand the right and wrong things to do and not to do. I don’t hardly ever speak to anyone whos not in my family when i am not in college because for example they would wonder why i don’t do eye contact and other things like that. So that’s why i cant really speak to people outside of college and i also get really nervous because of this as well.
Yesterday as well i went to the Trafford Center with my family and my step dad preordered the PS4 for me. Basically i gave him the £20 deposit and he went to the till and did it all for me (i am grateful). They gave me a receipt of it and i can basically can keep paying bits of off the price. I am very excited for the PS4 and i will be very glad when it comes out. I am also going to start saving up for Assassins creed 4 as well which looks a great game. Oh and by the way i probably wont get the PS4 on release date now because i was to late preordering it. If you preordered it before the 6th August you was guaranteed it on launch day. But because i was late i will get one from the second batch unless people cancel, then i will move up the list.
Thanks for Reading.
The reason I love playing Video games is because you can be someone else for a short time. For example on the Uncharted series you can be Nathan Drake (who is full of self confidence) for a few hours and go on adventures hunting for treasure with Eleanor and Sully. Or on the Assassins creed series you can be Altair, Ezio or Connor and climb around on rooftops in historical places whilst spying on important historical characters. Sports games is another good example, like on FIFA when you create your own character, you can be him playing football in front of thousands of people in the crowd and you can be successful and win trophies like you cant do in real life (well i cant). And that’s my whole point of this post you don’t need to worry about your problems of the real world for a couple of hours. You can relax your mind and get away from it all for a few precious hours. So try it next time your stressed or worried, try being someone else for a while. It will help you in the real world to.
These are the specs for the Xbox one. I don’t know a lot about all the power and stuff of consoles but i watch a lot of comparison videos on YouTube about Xbox one vs PS4 so i will tell you what i know. Firstly the reveal event of the Xbox One i think was terrible,most of the time they kept on talking about how the new Xbox would make your TV “smarter”. A lot of people aren’t interested in doing that, they buy a games console for games.But the plus side of the reveal event was that they actually showed the console whereas ps4 reveal didn’t. The actual console i think doesn’t look as good as the ps4,but bear in mind the look is just for aesthetics only, so for some people it doesn’t matter what it looks like whereas i do. Also I think it is a bit to big for a home computer console. The remote is definitely a plus for the Xbox One as well, i think it looks really good and it is bigger than the PS4 so it will fit bigger peoples hands. Xbox’s gaming lineup seems to have more exclusives than the PS4 as well at launch so that’s obviously a positive. Also because Microsoft reversed the policies about selling games and their always online policy it is pretty much equal now on that particular aspect. Microsoft haven’t shown the user interface yet so i cannot give you my opinion about that. All in all since they reversed their policies they are now at least back in competition with the PS4 which can only better things for the consumers. I am going to wait a few years now before i reconsider getting the Xbox. Because of their blunders it made them look indecisive and weak about their vision of their future and where they want Xbox to be.