Tag Archives: anger




Well that didn’t work out did it? i said i was going to write on here more often on here during my holidays but i didn’t. Part of it is because i might say in my head ” i will write on my blog tomorrow” and then tomorrow comes and something gets in the way. And this repeats itself for a few weeks. I have also had some rough times during the holidays. I think i might have been on the edge of another breakdown. Maybe, but maybe not because i understand myself a lot more now and because of that i am stronger.

About 3 weeks ago i bought a treadmill. I had saved up for it for a few months beforehand. I actually ordered one from a website that said it would be delivered within 5 days, then after i had ordered it it said on a email it would be about a month. So i cancelled it and began to look for a second hand one. I found one just up the road from us. It was 2 more models up than the one i had previously ordered and it was only £30 pounds more, so my mum rang up and arranged a time to go and look at it and get it. So i have one now. I have wanted one for about 5 years but could never afford and we never had room (we had a clear out the other week, we threw away the thing we didn’t need anymore). So i have been on the treadmill about 4 or 5 times a week since i bought it about 3 weeks ago. I will write another post sometime soon telling you in more detail what i do on the treadmill.

Around 5 weeks ago i went to the doctors with my step-dad. i went for a few things. One was to try to refer me to a psychologist and the other was about my heart. My heart kept being weird and hurting and beating differently than it should have been doing, so i am booked in for a ECG in a couple of weeks. My step-dad was a trooper at the docs. In England the docs try to save money wherever they can, so they will only do something if it is absolutely necessary, so my step-dad really had to persuade the doctor to let me access a psychologist. In the end after much persuading the doctor agreed, so around 3 or 4 weeks later i found myself going to the hospital to see the psychologist. My mum and brother Adam came and explained about my life. Things like what i get worked up about and things like that. she gave me some new melatonin and she gave me some pregbalin. She said in some cases it has been a life changer. By the way pregabalin is used for anxiety and epilepsy. So i am going seeing her again in just under 2 weeks to discuss how i have been on these tablets. So far i have felt no change but they could take a while to get into my system, or i may need a stronger dose.

So these are the main events in my school holidays (at least the ones i can talk about). Anyway as always thanks for reading.





I couldnt find a good picture for the title, so i chose this. WHAT A QUIFF

Yesterday i came home from college early. I was annoyed. I went to college and because one of my support workers called Alex has a new job (still in my college) i worked with a new support worker called Paul (same name). And we started playing football for 10 minutes like usual to settle me into the college. And after about 4 or 5 minutes someone came over and said something like ” can you pass us the ball in a minute because it is time for Paul to go in”. Firstly i was annoyed because i have a set routine what i stick to that works, and she was trying to change it by telling me to go in. And secondly i was annoyed about it because she is always asking me to do stupid things all the time. Like once she asked me to go and get these pair of gloves that wasn’t even mine and move them. Not as easy as it sounds. They was in a sort of garden in the center of our college, and there are doors locked to stop you from going in. So we (me and my support worker) had to go around to about 5 different people to get a key to unlock the door to get these glove. Pointless. I wasted all the time i was supposed to be working, getting them. Another time she wanted me to go to the other college (a short walk from my college) and try to sort out me sitting my GCSE test there. Thats supposed to be there job. So i suppose i was annoyed at her from them times as well. So when she came and started to mess up the routine of football, i felt angry. I walked off and told them i was going home. The woman didnt hear this because she had walked off. Then Paul the new support worker started to shout to her. He seemed a bit panicked. He asked was it because of him and i told him no. He kept saying i need to go in and do some work. I told him i will go in then, grab my work and bring it home. Thats what i did. When i went inside the woman was there. I grabbed my work quickly. I went to the front door and before i reached it i said “can i go out please Barbara”. Barbara’s the receptionist. I did this so the door would slide open when i reached it. I didnt have to wait. As i was walking to the taxi the woman was following me saying things like “im going to have to call your Dad”. I replied “ok then”. I wasnt bothered i just wanted to get out of there. So i walked to the taxi that was parked around the corner. She talked to Javid and Paul. I thought about running off because i wanted to go and they was stood there talking. Infact i told Paul when he was shouting her that i would run off if she came over. He said it wouldnt be a clever thing to do. As i stood there waiting for Javid i was filling up with rage. It was a good job i had 2 kalms. I would have been worse. Any way i hid around the corner until i saw Javid, then i got in the taxi and drove home. i was calm going home because of the Kalms and because i knew i was safe. I do like the woman but she is a bit intense. My review is tommorow. That is where they tell my Mum and who-ever else goes (Adam and maybe Tim even though Tim isnt interested) about how i have been doing at college. Like my progress and stuff. Anyway i will tell you how it went either tommorow or the next day. Thanks for reading.

P.S i called her the woman so i wont name names.




First with the good news. When i weighed myself on Wednesday i had lost another 1 and a half pounds. That is a grand total of 3 and a half pounds in 2 weeks. That is not bad. You are not supposed to lose more than about 2 pounds a week anyway because your body will go into starvation mode, which i am guessing is that your body would just store everything as fat to give your body long lasting energy. At the moment i am into our second day of our 5 day challenge me and Adam set ourselves. Basically everyday for 5 days we are doing a walk. not just a normal walk but a intense walk.Today we walked around Entwistle reservoir (the picture above is Entwistle reservoir). It is about 3.6 km and we do it in under 40 minutes every time now.  What i have also done is buy a backpack. I have put around 13 pounds into it. So when i wear that on our walks it will burn more calories and make me become stronger and fitter. At the moment i am still loving doing my exercise with Adam, so that is why i should do it, because i never know if i will become tired of doing it. Not physically tired but Mentally tired. It does take it out of me after a bit sometimes.

Yesterday when i got to college i walked in and the receptionist told me that Simon wanted me to get the football and go outside because he was busy and he would come out in a few minutes. So i did. I played football with my taxi driver Javid for 10 minutes and still Simon didnt come out. So i went in to find him. I eventually did and when i did he said he was still busy. By the way this isnt Simon’s fault. It is the management of the place that is the problem. He is supposed to be with me in a 1 to 1 session (no other people) and yet he still had to help out in another group. So i was angry at that because if i am supposed to work with Someone and i get there and its someone else, i dont like it. I dont like change. And when i did go in to do work there wasnt anything to do. They give me some work and expect me to do it for weeks and weeks. Even though i could have completed it in a day they still want me to do the same. So that day i went home earlier because i was annoyed at the college. I have calmed down about it now.

It is my Mums operation next Monday so please hope that she will be fine. We need Mum. If she wasnt here our family would have collapsed a long time ago (probably). Please share this post if you liked it.


Thanks for Reading.