Tag Archives: Anxiety

MY HOLIDAY

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If you follow the road, we was in the first big house on the right. You can also see the rocks we climbed on when the sea went out.

I have been back from my holiday now for 1 week. I dont think i told you, but we went to Moelfre in Wales. There isnt any attractions there but we chose it for a rest. People often book that place as sort of a basecamp. For example people will go to places like snowdon from there. It is a massive mountain what you can walk up. Infact i think it is the second biggest mountain in the uk. Ben nevis is first in Scotland. As i was saying we booked it for a rest. And i loved it. The beach was literally 30 seconds walk from where we was. There was also a rock wall that me and Tom loved to climb on. We climbed on it as much as we could. Unfortunataly there was 3 days that where ultra windy, so we obviously couldnt do it then. Tom loves climbing and it boosts his confidance way high. I love to see him like that.  We visited quite a few places in the week we was there. My favourites where Bangor and newborough forest. Bangor had a big church and a few shops so we had a good look around there. Infact we went there twice. And newborough forest was great. There was three paths that you could choose from. There was a beginner one a medium one and a harder walk. I wanted to do the harder walk as it was 5 miles long, but we couldnt because Jessica couldnt have made it around. So we did the shorter one which was about 1.5km i think. This forest was also at the edge of a great beach, so we went on the beach for half an hour after the walk. We found a couple of nice shells so we put them in a little bag and took them home. All in all it was a fantastic holiday. The only drawbacks was i had to sleep in a bunk bed and we had no wi fi in the cottage. The wifi wasnt a massive deal but the bunk bed was. everytime Tom woke up he woke me up by getting of the bed. It wasnt his fault though. Also the bed i was in i only just fit. My feet was right at the end. We all loved it though. Infact we are going again next year but in a different cottage. Its literally across the road from where we was this time. And the cottage we was in this time, my Nan and Grandad and my uncle are going in that one. So that should be interesting. We also went into a pub and i bought everyone a drink. I also bought everyone a drink when we went in for a second time. At the beggining of the week i gave my little bro 10 pounds aswell so he would have some spending money. He bought a sort of gem rock. overall I had a great time and a good relax. Thanks for reading.

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I RAN 5 MILE

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                                        WOOOO HOOOO

Just after i wrote my last post i went on my treadmill. Me and my brother Tom was doing a challenge. We basically had to try and do 4 miles between us. Tom did 1 mile because Tim told him to come off and so i had to try and do 3. I think it was in my mind to conquer 3 mile because my body didnt feel as tired and i could carry on for longer. Your mind can be so powerfull sometimes. Its unbelievable. Anyway i got to 3 and felt fine. Bare in mind my past record was 2 miles. I carried on and thought i would go for Adams record which is 4 miles. I was a little tired but cracked on with it. I then went for my taxi drivers record which is 4.2 miles. me and Javid (taxi driver) are always talking about fitness because we both love it so much. Also he goes to the gym on the running machine 5 times a week if he can. So i was super pleased to break his record. Then i thought why stop there, lets go for the 5. i did it in around 57 minutes. I was getting very tired around the 4.7 mark. But for once my mind helped me achieve something i thought was impossible for me. Thanks for reading.

P.s tommorow i will post a good picture i took on my new phone.

JESUS OR AN ASSASSIN ???

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So this is the photo what i said i would upload on Monday. Firstly, this is me. You have never seen me before so atleast now you can put a face to my writings. Secondly, this photo was a result of me and my mum messing about in the kitchen. I put this teatowel on my head and i tried to look holy. My nan thinks i look like jesus and some of my family think i look like a assassin off assassins creed (a video game). What do you think? Thanks for reading.

P.s i was a bit nervous at showing my face

MANCHESTER CITY STADIUM

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Today i have been to the Manchester City Football teams stadium (or Etihad Stadium). I went because i thought i was doing some work experience there. I went with one of my support workers called Steve, who is a massive Manchester city fan, and a few other people. When we got there we had to wait in the reception area for someone called Paul (same name as me). When i asked why this was, Steve said it was because Paul had to show us around first before any work was undertaken. It was basically an induction, like the one at a gym. When i say work, i mean small menial tasks like giving the seats in the stadium a quick wash over. When Paul arrived he began to show us around the place. He told us that it was a work place so no one could mess about. They went into this room where there was a TV showing sky-sports news. There was a few people sitting down and also having a drink. They was probably on their break. We all sat around a table because i think one of the people from my college had to sign a few papers. Steve knew i didn’t like sitting around the table with all these people, so he asked me should we wait outside the room until they had finished. I obviously said yes. As we was waiting outside the room and chatting, a person went into the room where we had been in a few minutes before. After a short while he came out and was pushing a large trolley. And on it was a large dark brown box. Steve knowing a lot about the stadium told me that inside the box that was just wheeled out was the premier league trophy. I was glad to be this close although i didnt see it. Shortly after, the rest of the people came out of the room. We walked out of some doors and we was in the tunnels. The tunnels where the footballers walk out onto the pitch to thousands of cheering fans. It was fantastic. We saw where the players was interviewed after the match and continued up the tunnels onto the edge of the pitch. It was a big stadium but it was smaller than i expected. I asked Steve (when we was going out of the pitch) how many seats there was in it, and he said 48,000. At the edge of the pitch i saw just how pristine the grass was. Absolutely immaculate piece of ground. I would have loved to have gone on it, but there was a big fine if you did step on it. I saw the managers seat, where he would sit watching his army of footballers try to win the game. There must have been hundreds of emotions going on in that seat when he was there. On the right side of the pitch there was massive cranes towering over us. That was because the stadium was getting more seats. Steve mentioned it would have about 65 thousand all in all i think. After 10 minutes it was time to leave because my Taxi driver Javid would be waiting. I would be doing work next time i go there.

About an hour ago, on the news it said Princess Anne was at the exact same stadium i had been too. And then i vaguely remembered Paul said something about that when i was there, but i was too anxious to think correctly at the time. And she was there at the same time. I bet we nearly bumped into her. That would have been a great story to tell. Imagine when i was stood at the edge of the pitch, a royal came and stood next to us. That would have been nerve racking and amazing.

Even though i don’t support the club it was a great experience to have.

Thanks for reading.

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NEW TABLETS, PHYSCOLOGIST AND THE TREADMILL.

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Well that didn’t work out did it? i said i was going to write on here more often on here during my holidays but i didn’t. Part of it is because i might say in my head ” i will write on my blog tomorrow” and then tomorrow comes and something gets in the way. And this repeats itself for a few weeks. I have also had some rough times during the holidays. I think i might have been on the edge of another breakdown. Maybe, but maybe not because i understand myself a lot more now and because of that i am stronger.

About 3 weeks ago i bought a treadmill. I had saved up for it for a few months beforehand. I actually ordered one from a website that said it would be delivered within 5 days, then after i had ordered it it said on a email it would be about a month. So i cancelled it and began to look for a second hand one. I found one just up the road from us. It was 2 more models up than the one i had previously ordered and it was only £30 pounds more, so my mum rang up and arranged a time to go and look at it and get it. So i have one now. I have wanted one for about 5 years but could never afford and we never had room (we had a clear out the other week, we threw away the thing we didn’t need anymore). So i have been on the treadmill about 4 or 5 times a week since i bought it about 3 weeks ago. I will write another post sometime soon telling you in more detail what i do on the treadmill.

Around 5 weeks ago i went to the doctors with my step-dad. i went for a few things. One was to try to refer me to a psychologist and the other was about my heart. My heart kept being weird and hurting and beating differently than it should have been doing, so i am booked in for a ECG in a couple of weeks. My step-dad was a trooper at the docs. In England the docs try to save money wherever they can, so they will only do something if it is absolutely necessary, so my step-dad really had to persuade the doctor to let me access a psychologist. In the end after much persuading the doctor agreed, so around 3 or 4 weeks later i found myself going to the hospital to see the psychologist. My mum and brother Adam came and explained about my life. Things like what i get worked up about and things like that. she gave me some new melatonin and she gave me some pregbalin. She said in some cases it has been a life changer. By the way pregabalin is used for anxiety and epilepsy. So i am going seeing her again in just under 2 weeks to discuss how i have been on these tablets. So far i have felt no change but they could take a while to get into my system, or i may need a stronger dose.

So these are the main events in my school holidays (at least the ones i can talk about). Anyway as always thanks for reading.

MY NEW MEDICATION SERTRALINE!!!! NO WAY.

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Im back at college now. I suppose i am glad of that. On my week off i was becoming agitated and aggravated easily. Thats because things build on top of me and when i snap i will be like this until i get back into my usual routine. Because thats what college is to me. Routine. I know when and where i will be in exactly 3 weeks time for example. And i love knowing what i will be doing because i need that plan. Today at college i was doing a mock exam of higher GCSE physics. I am concentrating on science at the moment because i really enjoy doing it, and if i can leave college with a GCSE or 2 that would be an added bonus. Yesterday morning i went to the doctors. I wanted to see if i could have some tablets for anxiety. This would really help me because i have quite a few stress induced problems. I have been a few times for some anxiety tablets but he never gave me any. But this time he did. He gave me a tablet called sertraline. Sertraline is used for things like depression (i dont have this), OCD, panic disorders and social phobias. So to me this sounded like a wonder pill. It would help me with a lot of things. We went to the chemist later and got my prescription. I had one when i got home. you are supposed to have 1 in the morning, so my mum said it would be fine. After a hour or so i started to feel a bit weird. It felt a bit like i was wrapped in a cotton wool blanket and all the outside world was numb. It felt like that things wasn’t real. But i got on with it and went to college. Whilst at college i felt really thirsty. Before i had the tablet earlier i had researched it on the internet, like the side effects and things like that, so then i knew the 2 thing i had mentioned was side effects. I couldnt sleep when i went to bed later that day, even though i had been up really early, dont forget i have melatonin before bedtime aswell. I knew this was another side effect (insomnia). I finally went to sleep at about quarter to 5 in the morning. The next morning when i had woke up my mum noticed i had a rash on my face. So she told me not to have anymore. I am allergic to SSRI (selective seratonin reuptake inhibitor) tablets, and setraline is a SSRI tablet, but when my mum asked the doc and the chemist they both said it would be fine. So I have not had any today. SSRI is dangerous to me because i could go into some sort of shock. I cant remember the name of the type of shock. I am hoping to go to the doctors again soon to see if he can change them for me. I am gutted about them tablets though because they could have been a great thing for me. Hopefully i can try some better ones soon.

Thanks for reading.

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