Today is my Dads birthday. Remember i have not seen him for years even though he only lives a few miles away. When i have not seen someone for a bit i struggle to see them again. I get even more nervous about seeing someone who i have not seen for a bit than meeting someone new. I don’t know why, but my body just gets more nervous. Anyway my family knows i am like this but they still expect me to be “autistic free” for a day whilst i go and give him the present and the card i have bought him (i am not going). It is more my Brother and my step-dad that expects me to do this. They both say i should grow up and go and go and see him with the present. They are both stupid because if i could just drop having Autism, i would have done it ages ago. I wish i was like everyone else, full of confidence and able to do these things. I would be at a proper college trying to get loads of qualifications so that when i leave i could get a really good job worth thousands of pounds a year. But i am stuck with all these obstacles in front of me. I have been overcoming some of these obstacles over the past 7 years. Like recently i have been going into a little convenience shop by myself while my Brother waits in the car. I only nip in for a drink but a few years ago i would never have thought i would go into a shop by myself. In fact it was only yesterday that i was at the dentists and had 2 fillings. Again i thought i would never be able to do it but i did. So i am making progress slowly. But they shouldn’t expect me to go and see my Dad. I would find it too difficult. I cannot make Autism disappear but overtime i will get better at controlling it. Do you think it is unfair of them to ask me to drop autism? Because i do, i cant change who i am and how i feel about certain situations. Thanks for reading.
I consider myself to be on the line between autistic and “normal” but this makes it very complicated for me to understand myself and for others to understand me as well. I have been officially diagnosed with Autism but yet sometimes i wonder if they got the diagnosis wrong. For example if you saw me and started talking to me i would become very anxious and look down at the ground ( no eye contact ) and would try to end the conversation as soon as possible, but once i got to know you i would enjoy being around you and actually look forward to seeing you.
The one big problem i have is being still near people i don’t know very well, I think it must be nervous energy or something, that’s why when i meet a new teacher at my special college for example i play football (or soccer) with them outside instead of going in and sitting at a table and meeting them there. This enables me to keep moving about while getting used to them.Now all this in this paragraph is not what a “normal” person would do though is it?
But i am good at things that Autistic people aren’t supposed to be good at like understanding peoples feelings. I know if i do something bad i could upset my brother or if i smash my sisters CD she will not be pleased. But this is where conflicting emotions come in. If my sister annoys me I would feel like smashing one of her possessions but the other side of me tells me not to. So i have 2 sides of my mind pulling in opposite directions and it all becomes very confusing. Now this paragraph is definitely what an autistic person would feel like.
I think this is why i don’t have any friends. My teachers are sort of my friends but they are what i call “fake” friends. Do they actually like me or are they getting paid to like me. And they would never come and visit me when i have finished college like normal friends would. Normal people don’t give me time to see the real me. Instead they see a Autistic person who looks at the ground instead of giving them eye contact. But i am actually much more like a “normal” person than a autistic one.
I hope this post has given you a bit more of an insight to me instead of just seeing words on the screen what i have wrote. Please like and share and follow this post. And please comment on this post if you want, I answer every comment i get if there is an answer to give.
Thanks for reading.
OCD stands for obsessive compulsive disorder. It basically mean on some occasions i feel i have to touch the lights three times for example or put an item straight if it is slightly off center. I feel that if i don’t do it something bad will happen to something i love like my family. I of course know nothing bad would happen to my family but if i tried to resist i would get this nagging feeling in my brain and i would feel agitated until i did it so i would have to do it because it would stop me from going to sleep at night. My OCD always seems to get worse when i am nervous about an upcoming event in my life like visiting the Doctors or somethings going on at College which would be very stressful for me. These days i have a very good way to combat OCD most of the time but i will share with you my secret another time on another post. Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed this post please share this blog, follow and dont forget to comment.
I go on YouTube a lot. Because i used to play on my PS3 a lot i decided about 3 years ago that i should start watching stuff about games on YouTube for tips and stuff. So i created my own account and started searching for games related stuff. I cant remember who i subscribed to first, it might have been Wingsofredemption, but one of my first YouTube memories was everyone kept talking about Seananners. Seananners this and Seananners that they kept going on about, so one day i just searched for him and subscribed straightaway because he had a great online personality and he was really good at call of duty. I used to play call of duty as well so i thought what better person is there to learn tips from because at the time he was probably the best call of duty player on YouTube. Nowadays there are thousands of channels all devoted to call of duty and mine-craft and gaming in general. About 3 years ago i also found Syndicate and Tmartn who are still 2 of my all time favorite You-tubers. Tmartn is really well known for the best call of duty tips and Syndicate at the time was really well known for being one of the best at the zombie game mode on Treyarchs call of duty games, now though he mostly plays minecraft and just recently reached 4 million subscribers. Now after all these years i am subscribed to over 100 channels on YouTube but not all of them are gaming, there are some fact channels as well because i love learning about interesting facts. Because i am subscribed to so many channels there is always something new to watch. If you like gaming try some of the channels i mentioned above and tell me what you think. Oh yeah a really good fact channel is called Vsauce so check it out. Unrelated to YouTube i asked my step dad whose good with computers and internet stuff about how often i should post and he said 1 post every 2 to 3 days, so starting on Monday i will start posting every 2 days or so. Thanks for reading.
Hi im a 20 year old autistic boy ( or man as some people would say, but i dont liked to be called that ) from Bolton England. I have OCD as well which stands for obsessive compulsive order, which means i sometimes feel the need to do something 3 times or i think one of my family will get hurt or something. I will use this blog for different things like what i have done that day or maybe small reviews about things like games and random stuff like that. My writing will not be very good at first but overtime i hope i will improve. Thanks for reading.