Just after i wrote my last post i went on my treadmill. Me and my brother Tom was doing a challenge. We basically had to try and do 4 miles between us. Tom did 1 mile because Tim told him to come off and so i had to try and do 3. I think it was in my mind to conquer 3 mile because my body didnt feel as tired and i could carry on for longer. Your mind can be so powerfull sometimes. Its unbelievable. Anyway i got to 3 and felt fine. Bare in mind my past record was 2 miles. I carried on and thought i would go for Adams record which is 4 miles. I was a little tired but cracked on with it. I then went for my taxi drivers record which is 4.2 miles. me and Javid (taxi driver) are always talking about fitness because we both love it so much. Also he goes to the gym on the running machine 5 times a week if he can. So i was super pleased to break his record. Then i thought why stop there, lets go for the 5. i did it in around 57 minutes. I was getting very tired around the 4.7 mark. But for once my mind helped me achieve something i thought was impossible for me. Thanks for reading.
P.s tommorow i will post a good picture i took on my new phone.
Last Friday whilst at college i got an injury. I strained my groin. It was when i was having a bit of a kick around either before i went into college or before i went home. I cant remember. Anyway last weekend i didn’t do as much exercise or anything like that, because i wanted it to get better for the week ahead ( i did one walk). And it did. Or i thought it did because yesterday, exactly one week from that injury Ive done it again. I don’t get it though because i stretched before i had a kick about and i have been playing football all week at college. For those of you who are new here or have just forgot, when i go to college i play football for 10 minutes before i go in. This is so i can settle down before i have to go inside and do something. For some reason if i don’t play football for 10 minutes i don’t cope as well inside college. Its probably routine. But here is where the problem lies now. This injury is worse than last weeks one so i need to give it about a weeks rest at least. So what will i do when i go to college and i cant play football. I would probably just have to go for a walk around the building once or twice. I have got a tiny bit better at my routine changing now though. Before i didnt like one thing changing in my routine. And if it did it would mess me up. It just shows how intrinsic and important if for autistic people. We feel safer when our routine is in place. There are no surprises or variables in our day. Its like blood or oxygen for some people. If you don’t have it, you don’t work as efficiently, simple as that. Now as i have said, i am better at that now. I can change some things in my routine. So i will use this benefit to not get as stressed or worried about things changing. Like going for a walk instead of playing football. I will still though really look forward to getting back to playing football though. Just be wary of peoples routines though because some people need to stick to theirs, just as you may need to stick to what time you arrive at work for example. Thanks for reading.
P.s i might put a picture of me on this in a few days. Its me with a tea towel on my head. i know, weird right? But My mum and nan think i either look like Jesus on it or a character from assassins creed. let me know if you want me to put it on or not so you can tell me what you think.
Well that didn’t work out did it? i said i was going to write on here more often on here during my holidays but i didn’t. Part of it is because i might say in my head ” i will write on my blog tomorrow” and then tomorrow comes and something gets in the way. And this repeats itself for a few weeks. I have also had some rough times during the holidays. I think i might have been on the edge of another breakdown. Maybe, but maybe not because i understand myself a lot more now and because of that i am stronger.
About 3 weeks ago i bought a treadmill. I had saved up for it for a few months beforehand. I actually ordered one from a website that said it would be delivered within 5 days, then after i had ordered it it said on a email it would be about a month. So i cancelled it and began to look for a second hand one. I found one just up the road from us. It was 2 more models up than the one i had previously ordered and it was only £30 pounds more, so my mum rang up and arranged a time to go and look at it and get it. So i have one now. I have wanted one for about 5 years but could never afford and we never had room (we had a clear out the other week, we threw away the thing we didn’t need anymore). So i have been on the treadmill about 4 or 5 times a week since i bought it about 3 weeks ago. I will write another post sometime soon telling you in more detail what i do on the treadmill.
Around 5 weeks ago i went to the doctors with my step-dad. i went for a few things. One was to try to refer me to a psychologist and the other was about my heart. My heart kept being weird and hurting and beating differently than it should have been doing, so i am booked in for a ECG in a couple of weeks. My step-dad was a trooper at the docs. In England the docs try to save money wherever they can, so they will only do something if it is absolutely necessary, so my step-dad really had to persuade the doctor to let me access a psychologist. In the end after much persuading the doctor agreed, so around 3 or 4 weeks later i found myself going to the hospital to see the psychologist. My mum and brother Adam came and explained about my life. Things like what i get worked up about and things like that. she gave me some new melatonin and she gave me some pregbalin. She said in some cases it has been a life changer. By the way pregabalin is used for anxiety and epilepsy. So i am going seeing her again in just under 2 weeks to discuss how i have been on these tablets. So far i have felt no change but they could take a while to get into my system, or i may need a stronger dose.
So these are the main events in my school holidays (at least the ones i can talk about). Anyway as always thanks for reading.
i have not written on this for so long. I am sorry about that but remember in my last posts i said i am finding hard to motivate myself to write on here. Well i still am. I don’t know why i do this. It is just another thing my stupid mind does. I was getting a lot of support on my posts and i felt i was achieving something. So why does my mind do this to me? I really wish it didn’t. I am now on my big break from college. I have got nearly 8 weeks off i think. When i go back i will be doing some tests to see what level i am at. Then they will determine if i am ready to do my GCSE’s. Anyway as i have said i have got a lot of time off now. I am in two minds about this. On one hand im glad i can have a rest but on the other hand it is not in my routine. Also i get bored after anything more than 2 weeks off. I am going to be trying to do some constructive things whilst im off. Things like reading and drawing and hopefully writing on here. Anyway lately my mind has really been affecting me. i have been worrying about small things i wouldnt usually worry about. I have also been very depressed. I am useless. The only thing that i am good for is that i can love people more that most people (i think). That last statement is hard to explain but i can feel it in my body. My mind stops me from going anywhere too long because i cannot use other toilets apart from my home where i feel safe. This is my mind doing this on purpose so i cant do things that i love like climbing mountains with my brother. I would be able to do this by myself because there is no pressure from other people but i would be scared to go out by myself. I need to see a psychologist. At this moment there is no point of me being on this earth. But i will carry on hoping for better things. I will try to get motivated to writing on here again because i do love it. Especially your comments and support. Thanks for reading.