Tag Archives: nervous





My big achievement is………….  I went to a football match. Leeds united football match to be precise. My stepdad Tim won a facebook competition to go to the match. He won 2 tickets for seats right at the top tier. I wasnt going untill the morning of the match. I wondered about going the day before so i thought that when i get up i would decide then. And i just went for it even though i was nervous. Not as nervous as i would have been like 2 years ago but still nervous because it was something new to me (well i havent been to a match for about 10 years, so it was kind of new). When we got close to the stadium there was hundreds of people walking towards it. The realisation of what i was doing then sunk in. Fortunately i could controll my emotions. If i didnt i would have been too nervous and then i would have to sit in the car for two hours whilst i wait for Tim to watch the match and then come back to the car. It would have been to far to drive me back because it was about 40 miles away. When we parked up and started walking to the stadiums entrances my emotions suddenly burst out of me. I didnt tell Tim but i had uncontrollable shivering. The ony thing that stopped my jaws from chattering was having a chewing gum. I couldnt believe this (for me) herculean task i was doing. There was now thousands of people wondering into the entrances. You have to remember that humans for me are very unpredictable, and i was going into a sort of massive cage full of high adrenaline, unpredictable cretures. We eventually found our seat and i was very surprised how close you are to the other people. You are literally shoulder too shoulder with random strangers ( a autistics worst nightmare ). I gritted my teeth and got on with it. When the players came on to the pitch there was a massive roar of cheers and shouting. Later on it flashed up on the screen that there was around about 24 thouand people there. So you can imagine the sound of all them people. I put my hood up to dampen the sound abit. It wasnt a lot though. Anyway the match passed by unexpectedly quick. The one thing i noticed though i that i couldnt concentrate on the game properly because of the noise. i think it was sensory overload. But the thing was though, i did it. On the way home i was very happy with myself and so was my mum and stepdad. Unfortunately though Leeds drew 1-1 against Sheffied Wednesday. What do you thinks about my big achievement ? Thanks for reading.

P.S we are going on holiday for the first time in about 4 years next week to wales. So i will tell you how it went after i get back.





My Mum woke up at 5 o’clock this morning to go into hospital for her operation. She went into surgery about half 9 this morning. For the past 2 days i started praying again at night for her and my family. Thank you to Vickie for saying those nice words, wishing her well. Anyway she went in and i think it took about 1 and a half hours. Oh by the way she had a hysterectomy and also a massive fibroid took out of her stomach. It grew that big that it grew its own blood supply. She was really worried about it for a few months so you can guess how worried she was just before it. My step-dad Tim took her up to the hospital and waited with her for a bit. But they told Tim he couldn’t stay, so my Mum was nervous because she had no one there with her. Anyway i took my mobile to college today (I charged it specially) so my Nan could text me and tell me how it went. Nan text about 1pm telling me everything was fine. I was so glad. I could enjoy football now that that had been sorted out. So later on after college at about 6pm, me, Tom,Tim and Adam went and visited her. I was nervous about going visiting her for a few hour before because i dont like seeing people when they look ill of different. It felt about the same nervousness as meeting a new person which is weird because it is only my Mum, who i have seen thousands of times. But i needed to visit her because i would have felt disappointed with myself. As soon as i saw her i was settled then. I had done the hard part. She looked very pale and tired. She had a tube draining blood from her stomach and a drip also. She kept on closing her eyes all the time whilst we was there because her body was tired because of the operation and she had been having morphine. She told us that when she had awoke she was in a lot of pain. Too much pain that she thought there was something wrong because she has a high pain thresh hold. Anyway it got that bad that she had too shout a nurse when she went past because she obviously cant get up to get one. When the nurse was trying to figure out what it was she discovered that Mums machine hadn’t been working. How is that for bad luck. So Mum had been lying there in pain with no painkillers. After about 40 minutes there me and Adam went and got Mum a magazine from the hospital shop with Tim’s money. Adam had already got Mum some grapes and chocolates and a card. And i am hoping to order Mum a present on the internet soon. After we had got that Adam went and we went 20 minutes later. Everyone gave her a hug as we left. It was a shame for Tom because he was quite whilst we was there because he seemed sad. He started crying on the way home saying that he didn’t want to leave. It was a big shock for him seeing Mum like that. He just wants her home like we all do. We comforted him on the way home. He was still upset 20 minutes later so i watched a bit of lord of the rings with him to settle him down. He is still upset now at his bedtime but not as much as before. So that’s it then. My Mum is alright now after all of that worry. Thanks for everyone’s support.

Unfortunately on the third day of mine and Adams 5 day challenge Adam hurt his back helping Dad move furniture. So to avoid damaging it further we are having a break until about Thursday where we will start the 5 day challenge again. Tut. After all that work as-well. Oh well it was unavoidable. Oh and I was writing this post and got through about 3 quarters of it when i accidentally deleted all of it. When i asked Tim is there a way to undo it he said press control and Z. And it worked so that is a little tip for you. Please follow, like and share. Thanks for reading.




getting on with it

I have done pretty good this week. I am pleased with myself. And that reason is because of how i have done at college. People who know me or if you have followed my blog for a long time know that i have struggle with going back to something after a rest. Like college. Usually after the holidays i struggle with college. I become nervous about going inside the building again. And if has been a big break like the 6 week holidays i sometimes even become nervous about seeing my support workers again. Which is a bit strange seeing as i have known some of them for over a year now. But this time was different. My college started again on Tuesday this time. And when me and my taxi driver Javid turned up 2 people was watching us. And then they came over to the taxi. It was a woman and a man who i had seen around college before but i never knew their names. The woman introduced me to the man who was called Simon and told me i would be with him that day. Usually, especially because it was the first day back i wouldn’t have liked this and just gone home and prepared for it the next day. But not this time. I accepted in my mind that i was working with him that day and got out and did it. I could have gone home but i didn’t.  The next day i worked with another new support worker called Alex (or Alec). And again i accepted this and got on with it. Even Javid was saying how well i was doing when took me home afterwards. On Wednesday night i didn’t sleep because of the previous post so i didn’t go in that day. And then again today. Ahhhh speaking about today there is another thing i have done. I am now starting to go to college on a Friday from now on. So that is another big achievement. So today i went and didn’t know what to expect. And guess what? It was another new support worker called Rob and again i just got on with it and didn’t think about going home. I have been quite lucky with them 3 new support workers because they like video games like me. I play video games to stress bust (and also exercise) so i know a lot about them. This is always a good talking point. Anyway i thought i would write a happy post this time because it seems these days there is always a lot of bad and negative things going on in my life lately. 1 more piece of good news before i go is that my big brother Adam is thinking of creating a blog. I think i have inspired him. So if he does do it i will tell you so you can check it out. All your support has helped me recently so a really big thank-you to everyone.Thanks for reading.




ImageHi, i said i was going to do a post yesterday on the 12th but i forgot about it. So sorry about that. Basically in this post i am going to tell you about what happened when i went back to college yesterday. I only do a few hours a day at college so i don’t need to get up early because i start at about 1pm. So i did all my usual stuff that i do on college days. I got up at about 11am, had a shower and went down for my lunch. After that it was soon time for my taxi driver to pick me up. I was apprehensive about going back to college because if i don’t do thing for a few weeks i become nervous again about it. So anyway my taxi driver picked me up and took me to college. when we got there we waited for a teacher to come outside to meet me (this is what always happens). I was expecting a teacher called John to come out and meet me because he always does on a Thursday. Anyway we waited 15 minutes and someone came out. It wasn’t john, it was someone called Steve who i do know but it completely threw me off because i just wasn’t expecting it.  After i spoke to him for a few minutes he said that i needed to give my new inhaler to the nurse inside. i agreed to go in and do it but as soon as i did so i knew it was a bad idea. i felt uneasy when i got to college because loads of people where milling about as it was the first day, and of course there are a lot of new students so it was even busier inside. So i gave the inhaler to the nurse and she started to ask lots of questions and everyone was bustling about so it was sensory overload (my Mum tells me that’s what it was). And on top of that another teacher came over and started speaking to me so i just had to get out of there so i walked off. When i got back outside i felt shaky and nervous so i told my taxi driver i was going home. So my Teacher (Steve) spoke to me for a few minutes and i went back home then feeling disappointing with myself. I am going to try again on Monday ( i don’t go on Fridays) so i am not looking forward for that. It is harder to get used to it this time because a lot of things have changed so it will take me longer. Anyway Thanks for Reading.