For the past few days i have been keeping busy like i said. I have drawn 3 Pokemon so far. The first one was Butterfree, the second one was Bulbasaur and the third was Piplup. I have been enjoying drawing recently as it gives me something to do for half an hour whilst improving my drawing skills. I know the Pokemon i drew isn’t exactly difficult to draw but as there are over 700 to choose from you can pretty much choose your difficulty level. I have not managed to read but i will try to do that later (im reading Harry Potter and the chamber of secrets at the moment), but i have been getting up and going on my exercise bike for 5 kilometers before my shower. On Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursday and Fridays i have been also doing weights after the exercise bike. Things like dumbbells and pull downs on the pull up bar ( i am not strong enough yet to do many actual pull ups ). I have been still finding it hard to motivate myself, like for example i wanted to write this yesterday but i didn’t feel up to it so i am doing it today. On the other hand i have been feeling slightly better in myself. But only slightly. Its still better than nothing though. I have been playing Skyrim on the ps3 in the day so that has kept my mind busy. Keeping my mind busy is one of the most important things i need to do in the holidays because if i become stagnant, that is when i will start to go downhill again, and i dont want that. Anyway here is my drawings:
i have not written on this for so long. I am sorry about that but remember in my last posts i said i am finding hard to motivate myself to write on here. Well i still am. I don’t know why i do this. It is just another thing my stupid mind does. I was getting a lot of support on my posts and i felt i was achieving something. So why does my mind do this to me? I really wish it didn’t. I am now on my big break from college. I have got nearly 8 weeks off i think. When i go back i will be doing some tests to see what level i am at. Then they will determine if i am ready to do my GCSE’s. Anyway as i have said i have got a lot of time off now. I am in two minds about this. On one hand im glad i can have a rest but on the other hand it is not in my routine. Also i get bored after anything more than 2 weeks off. I am going to be trying to do some constructive things whilst im off. Things like reading and drawing and hopefully writing on here. Anyway lately my mind has really been affecting me. i have been worrying about small things i wouldnt usually worry about. I have also been very depressed. I am useless. The only thing that i am good for is that i can love people more that most people (i think). That last statement is hard to explain but i can feel it in my body. My mind stops me from going anywhere too long because i cannot use other toilets apart from my home where i feel safe. This is my mind doing this on purpose so i cant do things that i love like climbing mountains with my brother. I would be able to do this by myself because there is no pressure from other people but i would be scared to go out by myself. I need to see a psychologist. At this moment there is no point of me being on this earth. But i will carry on hoping for better things. I will try to get motivated to writing on here again because i do love it. Especially your comments and support. Thanks for reading.